This was reposted from my myspace blog...

Being happier lately has given me more confidence. Which is good. Going on dates has kept my mind of the reasons I should be sad, ie. losing my a grandmother I will never have the chance to know, and a certain someone changing their phone number and not replying to my message.

How is it, that simply saying, "Why are you being so weird and secretive?" can make someone not reply and ignore you forever? I don't think and explanation is too much to ask for. I'm taking a cue from another friend and being more honest. Being right up front with things. Saying how I feel. This time is backfired on me. I guess it just goes to show, he really was just a weird guy.

Also, is it too much to ask that I meet a guy who doesn't already know my friends? Or know an ex? It makes it sound like I've dated everyone when I really haven't. Serious. I know a lot more girls that have dated way more of my friends than I have.

On another note, Way back when, there was a problem at a job I had. A stupid jerk made my life hell. Told everyone there my business, made lots of people dislike me. Made me look and feel like a pretty terrible person. Was it because he was projecting? Trying to make others feel the way he did inside. Having such a terrible secret. A secret that would ruin him. Put him away for a very long time? People that do those kind of things, don't last very long in prison. Hopefully the next bit of news I hear about him, is that he's been seriously fucked up. Dead or in a coma. It makes me sick just thinking about it. Not because he fucked with me, but with those kids. The kids he said he was protecting from a terrible home life with their stripper/alcoholic mother. But now where do they go? Back to her? Where she'll date low life after low life, that will probably do the same things? I met him when the girls were 12 and 9. It apparently had started when they were 11 and 8. Never had I thought anything was wrong. I hung out with the girls. Was friends with them. It makes me sick. I can't stop thinking about how terrible the whole thing is....

Holy Crap!

Okay, so I've been working on my family tree some more lately and came across some famous people. Most of these are through marriage. No big deal. These are through my gr-gr-gr-gr grandfather. They're very distant relatives. So most are through marriages and shit.

Benjamin West (1738-1820)
American Painter
Benjamin West is known for his paintings of historical scenes set in and around the time of the American Revolution. His most famous painting "The Death of General Wolfe" is more than 5 feet tall and more than 7 feet long! West was also commissioned by King George III to paint royal portraits.
Relationship: 2nd Cousin 3 times removed

Richard M Nixon (1913-1994)
37th President of the United States of America
Richard Milhous Nixon was the first U.S. President to resign from office. His resignation came from impeachment caused by the Watergate Scandal.
Relationship: 3rd Cousin 3 times removed

John Milton (1608-1674)
English Poet
John Milton is famous for his epic poem "Paradise Lost." The poem is written in blank verse and consists of twelve books. Paradise Lost follows the biblical story of the fall of man.
Relationship: 1st Cousin 7 times removed

Francis Lightfoot Lee (1734-1797)
Virginia Representative
Francis Lightfoot Lee was a radical patriot during the revolution. He worked with Patrick Henry to oppose the Stamp Act. He later signed the Declaration of Independence.
Relationship: 3rd Cousin 3 times removed

Doc Holliday (1851-1887)
American Outlaw
John Henry "Doc" Holliday was an American dentist and gunfighter in the Old West. He was a key player at the Gunfight at the OK Corral.
Relationship: 5th Cousin

William Henry Harrison (1773-1841)
9th President of the United States of America
William Henry Harrison is famous for having the longest inauguration speech and shortest term of any president. He was the first president to die in office; he died of pneumonia only 30 days into his term.
Relationship: 4th Cousin 2 times removed

John Wesley Hardin (1853-1895)
American Outlaw
John Wesley Hardin was an outlaw and gunfighter in Texas. He was reported to be the meanest man alive, once killing a man just for snoring. Most of his gunplay was a result of his short temper.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 1 times removed

Mark Twain (1835-1910)
American Author
Samuel Langhorne Clemens thought of his pen name, "Mark Twain," while working on a riverboat. This humorist's works include Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 1 times removed

Emmett Ashford (1914-1980)
Baseball Umpire
Emmett Littleton Ashford was the first African American umpire to work in Major League Baseball. He dressed impeccably and exaggerated his calls with gestures.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 2 times removed

Lucy Ware Webb Hayes (1831-1889)
First Lady
Lucy Ware Webb Hayes convinced her husband, Rutherford B. Hayes, to fight in the Union army and to oppose slavery. He later became an influential part of the abolitionist cause.
Relationship: 6th Cousin

Benjamin Harrison (1833-1901)
23rd President of the United States of America
Grandson of President William Henry Harrison, Benjamin Harrison was the 23 President of the United States. During his term 6 states joined the United States and the Sherman Antitrust Act, an act which prohibited monopolies, was passed.
Relationship: 6th Cousin

O. Henry (1862-1910)
American Writer
Born William Sydney Porter, O. Henry's famous endings known for their clever surprises, coined the phrase "the O. Henry ending."
Relationship: 5th Cousin 2 times removed

Lou Henry Hoover (1874-1944)
First Lady
Lou Henry Hoover, wife of Herbert C. Hoover created a period style sitting room with furniture owned by James Madison. She also restored Abraham Lincoln's study so her husband could use it.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 1 times removed

John Peters Ringo (1850-1882)
American Outlaw
John Peters "Johnny" Ringo became a legend of the Old West because of his alleged involvement in the gunfight at the OK Corral and his association with the Clanton Gang.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 3 times removed

Robert Laird Borden (1854-1937)
Former Prime Minister
Robert Laird Borden was the 8th Prime Minister of Canada. He was the first Canadian Prime Minister to attend a British cabinet meeting.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 1 times removed

Davy Crockett (1786-1836)
Frontiersman
Davy Crockett (David Crocketagne) has been called the "King of the Wild Frontier". He represented Tennessee in Congress and fought at the Battle of the Alamo.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 1 times removed

John Browning (1855-1926)
Gunsmith
John Browning was a firearms designer who developed a variety of weapons, cartridges, and gun mechanics.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 1 times removed

William C. Durant (1861-1947)
Founder of General Motors
William Durant worked with Louis Chevrolet to design a new brand of motor car and helped to found the Chevrolet Company.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 1 times removed

Mary Harrison McKee* (1858-1930)
First Lady
Mary Scott Harrison McKee was the First Lady to her father, Benjamin Harrison, when her mother passed away.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 1 times removed

Rutherford Birchard Hayes (1822-1893)
19th President of the United States of America
Rutherford B. Hayes was known for his honesty and military involvement in the American Civil War. After the scandal ridden years of the Grant administration, Hayes restored trust to the presidency and ended Reconstruction during his term.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 3 times removed

William Ellery (1727-1820)
Rhode Island Representative
A successful merchant from Rhode Island, William Ellery was the only representative from Rhode Island to sign the Declaration of Independence.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 3 times removed

Ida Saxton McKinley (1847-1907)
First Lady
Ida Saxton McKinley suffered very poor health and many seizures during her time as First Lady to President William McKinley. She hosted her guests seated in a blue velvet wheel chair.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 2 times removed

Lucille Ball (1911-1989)
American Actress and Comedian
Lucille Desiree Ball was the comedic star of the 1950s TV show I Love Lucy. Often called, "The Queen of Comedy," Ball has acted in Broadway productions, motion pictures, and TV shows.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 2 times removed

Raymond Massey (1896-1983)
Canadian Actor
Raymond Hart Massey became famous from his traditional American roles even though he was Canadian. He starred in films such as Abe Lincoln in Illinois and How the West Was Won.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 4 times removed

Katharine Hepburn (1907-2003)
American Actress
Four time Academy Award winning actress Katharine Hepburn maintained a successful acting career for over 70 years. Her notable performances in The African Queen and On Golden Pond, as well as countless other films, contributed to her title as the AFI's Greatest American Female Star.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 2 times removed

Florence Kling Harding (1860-1924)
First Lady
Florence Mabel Kling Harding was the wife of President Warren G. Harding. Though she had struggled to support herself and her young son, she thrived as the hostess of the White House.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 2 times removed

Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
American Entertainer
Elvis Aaron Presley is often called "The King of Rock and Roll", or simply "The King". He starred in movies but is best known for his music which includes over 100 top 40 songs including "Blue Suede Shoes", "Hound Dog", "Love Me Tender", "Don't Be Cruel", and "Jailhouse Rock".
Relationship: 6th Cousin 3 times removed

Barbara Pierce Bush (1925-)
First Lady
Barbara Bush, wife of George H. W. Bush, was a strong advocate for literacy and education, having had several schools named for her.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 3 times removed

Hillary Rodham Clinton (1947-)
First Lady
Hillary Rodham Clinton is the wife of former President Bill Clinton. She was the first First Lady to be elected to public office. She remains committed to women's rights and children's issues.
Relationship: 5th Cousin 5 times removed

Joan Crawford (1905-1977)
American Actress
Lucille Fay LeSueur changed her name to Joan Crawford after a studio chief decided her name sounded too much like "sewer." Her big break came in the film Our Dancing Daughters, and Crawford is best known for her award winning role in the film Mildred Pierce.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 3 times removed

Caesar Rodney (1728-1784)
Delaware Representative
Active in political beginnings of the United States of America, Caesar Rodney signed the Declaration of Independence as a representative of Delaware. He was also a member of the Continental Congress and President of Delaware during the Revolutionary War.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 4 times removed

Desi Arnaz (1917-1986)
Cuban American Performer
Desiderio Alberto Arnaz was a Cuban-American musician, comedian, and actor. He performed with his wife, Lucille Ball, for several years before their divorce.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 4 times removed

Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)
English Poet
Alfred, Lord Tennyson is remembered for his classical poetry. "Idylls of the King", written in 1885 is a work derived from the legend of King Arthur and is one of Tennyson's most famous pieces of writing.
Relationship: 8th Cousin

Laurence Olivier (1907-1989)
British-born Actor, Director and Producer
Laurence Kerr Olivier was an Academy Award-winning actor, director, and producer. He acted in such films as Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, and Spartacus. Olivier also appeared in many plays throughout his career.
Relationship: 8th Cousin 2 times removed

Robert Graves (1895-1985)
English Author
English scholar, poet, and novelist; Robert Graves produced over 140 works. His famous works include The Long Week-End.
Relationship: 9th Cousin 1 times removed

Racism

I'm watching the Tyra Banks show right now. Yeah I know. The show is about names and how they're judged even before meeting the person.
I don't understand. I'm constantly baffled by people's fears. I know people who are so paranoid about getting on a plane that has Muslims on it. I don't even think twice about it. Most of the time I don't even notice.
I can't even put to words about how I feel about the things these people are saying.
And what's with constantly saying Obama's middle name?! It's a fucking name. Someone actually said, "Obama... I don't know. I don't trust him. His name rhyms with Osama." Seriously? People are crazy.

Yummmmm

Pure Luck has some new items on the menu! Pesto Tofu Sandwich.... so yummy.... but beware... don't have close encounters with other people afterwards. My breath was terrible the rest of the day.

Today I had their BBQ Sandwich. Very yum as always.

This semester I'll probably gain lots of weight because I've gone there almost every day this week and then had ice cream at scoops.... shame on me.

I have heart burn... but I think that's because of the mac and cheeze... since I like it spicy. Oh! And I had a jalapeno earlier. :)

g'night.

Today

I think most of you aren't aware that I make buttons for bands and such. This past month has been crazy!
First, Hybrid Roots emails me about 800 buttons, they were referred by Jamie Sol Black. Then, ACO needs 200 buttons. My friend Bree's boyfriend calls while I'm in Boston and orders 400 buttons. Next I get a call from an existing client for 1,000 buttons! And another existing client, from way back when I got started, writes and orders 100. My big brother James orders 200. That doesn't include the pending projects from people who haven't sent the artwork yet... Like Pop Levi, who wants to place an order before they go on tour. Also, two days ago, Hybrid Roots calls to add 200 more to their order, making it an even 1,000.

So today I finished the 1,000 for Hybrid Roots and almost completed the 100 for Wicked Crafts, but ran out of paper. I'm like 6 buttons short on the order.... lame.

Oh and I'm super excited that Dexter is coming to CBS..... other than it wont be as good with all the censoring.

Today for lunch/dinner I made Mac Daddy & Cheeze. YUMMM..... So delicious. I'll post a picture later. And I've lost interest in other certain websites.... I'm sure my lack of participation on these sites is obvious enough.

Friday is the funeral. My grandfather is being buried in a Catholic Cemetery. He's Mormon. So it's a little strange to all of us... even me, who could give a crap about organized religion.

It's 9:30pm and I'm ready for bed. I start school tomorrow. For some reason my water color class wont add because it says I haven't met the pre-requisits. Which I did the very first semester I started at LACC. And I wanted to take a film class..... and they were alllll boring.

Alright, I'm off to bed.

xoxo

Famous People in my family tree

Lucretia Rudolph Garfield (1832-1918)
First Lady
Lucretia Rudolph Garfield, wife of President James A. Garfield, wasn't interested in the social duties of the First Lady, but her genuine hospitality made her gatherings very enjoyable.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 4 times removed

Lucy Ware Webb Hayes (1831-1889)
First Lady
Lucy Ware Webb Hayes convinced her husband, Rutherford B. Hayes, to fight in the Union army and to oppose slavery. He later became an influential part of the abolitionist cause.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 5 times removed

Caesar Rodney (1728-1784)
Delaware Representative
Active in political beginnings of the United States of America, Caesar Rodney signed the Declaration of Independence as a representative of Delaware. He was also a member of the Continental Congress and President of Delaware during the Revolutionary War.
Relationship: 6th Cousin 9 times removed

R.I.P.

Kevin Stench 1989
Ian McPeters 2004
Jordan 2004
Chucky 2007
Theron Dean Allan 2008

Family

On Monday I visited with my grandmother to talk family history. I scanned tons of pictures and documents.
I'm German, Swiss, and English. Maybe Polish.
These are all on my mom's side.

My Mother and her brother (Allan's):



My Father and I (Wallace's):


My Grandma (Sanford's):


My Grandma (Sanford) and Grandpa (Allan)


My Grandma's Sister and my mom:


My Great-Grandmother and my mom and uncle: 1902-1963


My Great-Great-Grandfather (Half German/Half Swiss): 1857-1924


His father (Swiss): 1825-1910



and his wife (German): 1828-1918


My Great-Great Grandfather's Siblings (And their wives):

Christian and his wife Helen:


Adam and his wife Carrie:


Frederick and his wife Effie(I'm not sure how these two managed to be so homely compared to the others...):


and two of their 5 children:


My Grandma's Dad and his siblings (Sanford's):


My Grandpa's Mom (Scovil's):


My Grandpa's Dad (Allan's):


My Grandpa's Sister:


Lloyd and Anna (I forgot how they're related):

Grandpa

Grandpa died yesterday, Jan 29, 2008 at 1pm.

Months ago, we were told he only had a month left. The last time I saw him he said goodbye and it was the worst thing in the world to hear my grandpa say "this is probably going to be the last time."

Friday we were told he had 24 hours. So I had been waiting for that call all weekend.

I'm sad that circumstances weren't different. That his wife wasn't so terrible. Hadn't driven a wedge between him and his family. As if she controlled every aspect of his life. She broke up his marriage. And then drove his kids away once again when he no longer knew what was going on anymore.

I bought three new dresses a few weeks ago.... knowing that not only were they cute black dresses, but that 1 of them would be the dress I'd wear to his funeral this month.

I reconciled with my grandmother on Monday. We spent all day together catching up and going over our family history. I'm Swiss, German and English.... but possibly Polish as well. I don't have the proof about the polish just a letter from a relative saying she "thinks" that someone was polish.

I missed an appt today because I'm so scatterbrained about all this. I got all the way there and realized I didn't know the address and had forgot my phone at home. Then had to sit in traffic for an hour to get back home, which should only take 15 minutes. All I could do was sit there, in my car, and cry, out of frustration.

I just don't know anymore.

I'm just so unhappy with life.

PUNK ROCK BOWLING '08

I won $100 at Roulette. Yay!
Some guy asked me to go home with him in broken english.
I met my soulmate. (He just had the same birthday as me. Same day, same year!)
The weird guy that asked me to go home with him, also tried to steal my chips afterwards. Then tried to steal the asian lady's and then tried to steal Smitty's. Then he got asked to leave. AWWWWKWARD!

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