Grandpa

Grandpa died yesterday, Jan 29, 2008 at 1pm.

Months ago, we were told he only had a month left. The last time I saw him he said goodbye and it was the worst thing in the world to hear my grandpa say "this is probably going to be the last time."

Friday we were told he had 24 hours. So I had been waiting for that call all weekend.

I'm sad that circumstances weren't different. That his wife wasn't so terrible. Hadn't driven a wedge between him and his family. As if she controlled every aspect of his life. She broke up his marriage. And then drove his kids away once again when he no longer knew what was going on anymore.

I bought three new dresses a few weeks ago.... knowing that not only were they cute black dresses, but that 1 of them would be the dress I'd wear to his funeral this month.

I reconciled with my grandmother on Monday. We spent all day together catching up and going over our family history. I'm Swiss, German and English.... but possibly Polish as well. I don't have the proof about the polish just a letter from a relative saying she "thinks" that someone was polish.

I missed an appt today because I'm so scatterbrained about all this. I got all the way there and realized I didn't know the address and had forgot my phone at home. Then had to sit in traffic for an hour to get back home, which should only take 15 minutes. All I could do was sit there, in my car, and cry, out of frustration.

I just don't know anymore.

I'm just so unhappy with life.